segunda-feira, 27 de agosto de 2012

i think people doesn't know love.. love kills you. love is the most powerful thing you have. but it kills you in such a slowly way.. and i'm almost dead. but i think i can't wait for it to kill me. i need him to kill me. right now. please. i know he loves me.  i know it. but i know he's a coward. he's fucking afraid of fucking everything. but i can't. i've waited over a year. he killed me once, twice, so many times over a year. i can't do it anymore. i can't keep dying this way. i need him to kill me. and if he ever loved me, he should do it. because there's nothing left. there's nothing left of him. there's nothing left of me. i tried to be strong. but it's too much. it has always been to much, but it's already time. there's nothing waiting for me. i've so many dreams, so many wills and i know nothing will get real, ever. i know it's all over. and i just don't want to ve here anymore. i've never thought i would right another suicide letter, but here i am. i just want you all to know that love is not a beautiful thing. or finding your soulmate is not amazing. it's the worst that could ever happen to you. it was the worst thing that happened to me. i'm no one right now. or like he used to say, i'm a nobody. i'm worthless, i'm pathetic, i'm hopeless. my friends were amazing. they're all amazing, one for one. my parents are amazing. they fought, they worked so hard. and i'm sorry. i'm sorry to all my friends. i'm sorry to my parents. i'm sorry to my little sister. and i'm sorry for my aunt. i didn't want you to go through this once again. i'm sorry. i'm sorry zini. i love you so much. you became all i've ever wanted, all i've ever dreamt. but it is too late. please be happy. please, you all be happy. and diogo. you were the one i've truly loved. you were the one i wanted to spend my life with. you were my person. i'm sorry if it was too much. you stole my heart, you played with it and then you threw it away. but i love you. i will always love you. always. no matter what. and i want you to be happy. but it's over. i'm done with all of this. i'm done with my life. good-bye you all. have a great life. enjoy it please. be happy. for me. be happy.
i don't fucking know what to do with my life. i don't even know if i want to keep living. i can't do this anymore. i can't spend another year like this. why the fuck did you do that? i told you this was our last chance. i told you! stop pushing me away, stop doing this when i do everything for you. when i push myself over the limit just for you to be fine. but it's over... this was the last time. you'll never talk to me again. you'll never touch me again. it's all over.
and what's so wrong with me? that you can leave so easily?
KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME.KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME.KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME. KILL ME.

segunda-feira, 22 de agosto de 2011

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
Walk with me, come and walk with me,
To the edge of all we've ever known.

I can see you there with the city lights,
Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes.
I can breathe you in.
Two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
No, I could not want you more than I did right then,
As our heads leaned in.

Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
She shows me everything she used to know,
Picture frames and country roads,
When the days were long and the world was small.

She stood by as it fell apart,
Separate rooms and broken hearts,
But I won't be the one to let you go.

Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.

Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Don't run away...
And it's hard to love again,
When the only way it's been,
When the only love you know,
Just walked away...
If it's something that you want,
Darling you don't have to run,
You don't have to go ...

Just stay with me, baby stay with me,

Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below. Don't let go
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna go,
But in this moment all I know
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below. Baby, don't let go
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

PORQUE MERDA É QUE ME MANDASTE ESTA MÚSICA E DEPOIS FOSTE EMBORA?
sei que já falei de ilusão e mentiras e coisas do género há meses, há anos até. mas ainda não consegui arranjar uma resposta. como é que pode ser tudo tão irreal, tão tudo e depois nada? como é que num dia pode ser a coisa mais perfeita do mundo e no outro, já nem existir? e tudo o que resta é ódio, raiva, desespero.. quase dois anos depois e continuo na mesma. simplesmente não consigo, não consigo. porque eu via a maneira como olhavas para mim, como nunca ninguém tinha feito, a maneira como me ficavas a ver dormir, a maneira como me acordavas. e as coisas que dizias? não consigo. ainda hoje não consegui apagar tudo o que me dizias. mas também não consigo sequer olhar para aquilo. e o quanto choravas enquanto me dizias 'sabes perfeitamente o que sinto por ti, não me faças isto..' sei? sabia? como é que isto pode voltar a ficar assim? como é que depois de tudo, ficou assim? nem um adeus. nem um ponto final. custava muito dizeres acabou? mas não, nem isso. não entendo e não, não me digam para superar. simplesmente não consigo!

sexta-feira, 19 de agosto de 2011

qual é a melhor maneira de enterrar o passado? "seguir em frente", três pequenas palavras, tão simples de dizer. no entanto, tão difíceis de o fazer. como pode alguém seguir em frente, se todo o passado foi melhor que o presente? se tudo no passado o fez viver? ao contrário deste presente que parece que nunca mais acaba. um presente à espera de um futuro distante, assombroso, mas com esperanças de algo melhor. algo que faça de novo recomeçar uma vida que ficou perdida no tempo. mas como chegamos nós a esse futuro tão distante, tão inalcançável? e o que fazemos agora, para continuarmos à espera dele? ...
uma série de questões percorrem a minha mente, todos os dias. não consigo achar respostas para nenhuma delas. o futuro, é o pior tema. parece tão distante, mas ao mesmo tempo já tão perto. serei capaz de dar o passo? de seguir em frente? só o tempo o dirá. e aconteça o que acontecer, acredito que esteja destinado a sê-lo. acredito que esteja escrito no livro da vida. por isso não, não faço muita coisa para conseguir algo. o que se calhar devia mudar. com o tempo. esse, que nunca pára, que não tem uma linha que separa as suas várias etapas. esse que tanto é agora, como já foi. esse que passa de segundos, a minutos, a horas, a dias, a semanas, a meses, a anos, a décadas. esse que sem nos apercebermos, leva-nos tudo o que pensávamos ser nosso. até nos leva a nós, como nos conhecíamos. esse, esse que é o maior inimigo do Homem, sem este se dar sequer conta. este faz com que não haja presente, nem futuro. e continua a deixar-nos, uma vez mais, o nosso querido passado...